01-04-2007, 06:38 PM
In an unprecedented televised address to the nation last night, President George W. Bush announced a list of his New Year's resolutions for 2007, telling the American people, "I am a big believer in abiding by resolutions, as long as they don't come from the United Nations."
The following is a list of the president's New Year's resolutions:
- "I resolve to pay close attention to the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group's report, as soon as it comes out on a books-on-tape version.
- "I resolve to make sure that by the end of 2007, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki gets to spend more time with his family.
- "I resolve to tell John Kerry that I thought his joke was hilarious and he should keep 'em coming.
- "I resolve to learn how to use the Internets, especially the Google.
- "I resolve to invite Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to a peacemaking lunch at Taco Bell.
- "I resolve to organize a hunting trip for Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi.
- "I resolve to expand the search for Osama bin Laden to include MySpace.
- "I resolve to clear all of the brush at my Crawford ranch, except for that patch I use to hide from Cindy Sheehan.
- "I resolve to continue my opposition to gay parents, unless one of them is named Cheney.
- "I resolve to improve relations with Latin America by building a 700-foot fence around Barb and Jen.
- "And finally, my fellow Americans, I resolve to announce an exit strategy, in which I will withdraw all of our troops from Iraq - through Iran."
The following is a list of the president's New Year's resolutions:
- "I resolve to pay close attention to the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group's report, as soon as it comes out on a books-on-tape version.
- "I resolve to make sure that by the end of 2007, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki gets to spend more time with his family.
- "I resolve to tell John Kerry that I thought his joke was hilarious and he should keep 'em coming.
- "I resolve to learn how to use the Internets, especially the Google.
- "I resolve to invite Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to a peacemaking lunch at Taco Bell.
- "I resolve to organize a hunting trip for Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi.
- "I resolve to expand the search for Osama bin Laden to include MySpace.
- "I resolve to clear all of the brush at my Crawford ranch, except for that patch I use to hide from Cindy Sheehan.
- "I resolve to continue my opposition to gay parents, unless one of them is named Cheney.
- "I resolve to improve relations with Latin America by building a 700-foot fence around Barb and Jen.
- "And finally, my fellow Americans, I resolve to announce an exit strategy, in which I will withdraw all of our troops from Iraq - through Iran."